For Amy on Mother’s Day
You loved Hunter long before you and I became a thing.... you made him feel special and in return, he adored you. I'll never forget this moment: I was only a few weeks out from having told Hunter that I was moving out and getting a divorce. It was the most excruciating choice I've ever made. He was 12 and on the cusp of his Bar Mitzvah. You and I had become closer friends since Dawnie died and in your presence, my heart was full and strong. You came to Portland for our first visit to explore being together and we went to pick Hunter up from Starbucks. When I pulled up, he ran to your side of the van screaming, "Ammmmyyyyy!" He could have hated you and blamed you for his family breaking up and instead he loved you so much.
Of course, you had to quickly learn how to be a step-parent to a child raised by someone far more permissive than you were used to. You LOVED to mother him (though sometimes you were more of a naughty aunt!) with special treats, watching shows I wasn't fond of, even taking him to the shooting range (oh, did I have to work on that to be ok with it!). You would do anything for Hunter. You shuttled him to school and appointments, cooked amazing meals, made sure he had wonderful gifts during the holidays. You loved having a kiddo in the house-- though there were times when he completely mystified you. Like when he came into the kitchen during the 3 minutes you were outside feeding the chickens and managed to open every single cabinet door and drawer, then left without closing them such that you truly thought a poltergeist had visited the house.
Step-parenting is a dance unlike any other. No one teaches you the steps and it's easy to step on your partner's toes. It's unclear who is leading and the music keeps changing from waltz to tango to heavy metal. You deserve a badge of honor. You sacrificed so much for Hunter-- and rarely have you been acknowledged for all the love, support, understanding, and grace that you brought our family. You have always put yourself last, making sure that Hunter and I had whatever it was that we needed. You asked for nothing in return. And always you were trying to protect Hunter. You saw things I couldn't or wouldn't see. You danced between letting me parent and standing up for what you believed to be true or necessary. It was hard and often thankless.
Even when Hunter died, you put aside your grief and attended to mine. You handled all the conversations with the police, the medical examiner, the funeral home staff. You protected me from seeing Hunter's body being carried down the stairs and tp the awaiting vehicle. You navigated all the details of our remodel that became a nightmare in the aftermath of August 28th. You continued to be a mother to Hunter as well as to me. And though you have been stretched too widely and challenged by the magnitude of my grief, you have been steadfast. Beyond steadfast. Your monumental love has sustained me. Your mothering of our boy taught me so much about unwavering loyalty and commitment. I know you have put your grief aside, over and over, to be present for me and I want nothing more than for you to know there is room for you to grieve the loss of our son. Our journey with Hunter continues, there is no doubt, AND the feelings of loss and despair are real.
I love how you mother. I love experiencing life with you. I celebrate the mother that you are and feel blessed to walk this path with you by my side