Dead Boy Diaries III
It's "Mother's Day"-- I put that in quotes because it was created by Hallmark and it's ludicrous that mothers should be celebrated only once a year. Anyway, up here we are trying to think up creative ways to let our moms know we are with them, though some people really go too far. Like the guy who figured out how to have his mom's favorite wine delivered to her door. I'm so new here, I don't have too many tricks up my sleeve so I don't know what I'm going to do.
My mom has a strange relationship with this day. Her mother thought the holiday was stupid and commercial, which meant mom didn't know what to do when May rolled around. Some years she sent flowers or a book, other years just a card or nothing at all. My grandmother was always surprised when one of her kids gave her something on this day as if every year she forgot about the shops reminding you, over and over, that the only way to show your mother you love her is with flowers. Grandma was from the school of low parental expectations-- don't expect them to call often, remember special days, come to visit, and you will not be disappointed. My mom has also been ambivalent about Mother's Day. She loves to be fussed over but since I wasn't great at remembering shit like this, over time she stopped expecting anyone to acknowledge the day. I was the only one in the world that called her mom yet couldn't always figure out what to do.
Mom's first Mother's Day was on my first birthday-- so I rocked that one without even trying! AND I took my first step, so that was the perfect gift for her. Everyone was so delighted with me and I was pretty proud of myself. Of course, in preschool, we were always being reminded of Mother's Day. I had to make two of everything, which worried me a bit since I wasn't as crafty as my mom. Then on Father's Day, I had nothing to make, which made me feel weird. Both of my grandfathers died before I was born, so Father's Day just wasn't a thing. Mom's favorite Mother's Day gift from me was the card I made in 4th or 5th grade. I wrote a list of all the things I love about her and she had it on the fridge for years.
The thing is, life slips by. You think you have time to say what you feel. I certainly did. I sure wish I could make mom breakfast in bed or rub her feet, but my hands are tied. Ha. Ok, that's not really funny but it made me laugh. I keep thinking about all the mothers that have lost children and how everyone still says Happy Mother's Day even when they know this is not a happy day for them. And what about all the people that had horrible mothers? I can't believe some of the stories my friends told me about how they were treated at home-- beatings, name-calling, sexual abuse. I felt guilty for coming from a loving, stable home. These friends didn't have mothers they wanted to celebrate and I did but didn't know how.
What I want to say to all of you with mothers in your life is this: don't wish them a "Happy" Mother's Day. Honor them. Ask them what being a mother has meant to them. They carry heartache from loving so much- ask about that. This job ain't for sissies. I wish I could have been a Dad, but honestly, I would have been terrified all the time-- how in hell do you love someone so much and let them go at the same time? Clearly, I wasn't ready for this.
So Mom? This is for you. For giving up everything (marriage, home, career, friendships) to pursue motherhood. For believing in me before I had a beating heart. For showing me the world and helping me develop curiosity and courage (though I could have used more of both). For doing everything in your power to protect me while also allowing me to make decisions on my own. For answering my calls late at night or sitting with me when I was sick. For always being my advocate. For showing me the importance of being honest with yourself (even though I kinda sucked at this). For being with me through the hard times and never, ever giving up on me. For listening. For teaching me how to cook and eat healthy food. For showing me the importance of community. For being fair and giving good advice. For helping me with school and finding mentors for me when I needed them most. For continuing to love me and most of all, thank you for forgiving me. I will always be your boy. Love Hunter.