Exquisite mourning
My home is a shrine to love and beauty. Candles are lit in the darkness, fresh flowers on every surface, photos of my beloved son placed on altars, feathers & stones gifted by friends for healing, protection, grounding -- All of this reflecting calm. I call this exquisite mourning/morning. When I look out the window as dawn emerges my yard is a riot of color-- crimson maple trees, orange and white koi, prayer flags, and papel picado left from Day of the Dead. How can I not feel wonder? My senses are heightened. While our country writhes in political turmoil (which I can't watch) and young people with promise die from overdoses, beauty remains.
....
I will never forget the way my mom faced into dying... talking openly about wanting to be returned to the earth so that her body would become fertilizer for new life. She taught me about green burial which prepared me for making decisions about how Hunter would be buried. Yesterday, Amy and I had a session with a medium (Jennifer Brazier)-- My mom came through and the first thing she communicated was how grateful she was that I was her advocate, that I recorded her words and was so present and supportive as she chose how and when to die. She told me that she is always with me, wrapping her arms around me, holding me close. This is different than the relationship I had with her when she was alive-- she was always loving, but at a distance, and I longed for closeness. The next spirit to come through was a bright-eyed little girl who did not live long on this earth and I immediately knew this was my first pregnancy-- I was 16 and couldn't fathom being a mother just as my parents were divorcing. It took over two decades to heal from the decision to have an abortion-- yet here she was, a feisty being so excited to tell me that SHE was guiding Hunter! He had no idea he had a sister. He communicated that he understands what happened and is sorry for hurting us. The medium said, "He has his hand on your heart and soul until you reconnect." He also told Amy how much he loved and respected her. That made me so happy, as he had always been good at telling me how much he loved and appreciated me, but not so much with Amy.
...
Jennifer said the best way to prepare yourself to be in connection with your loved ones is to: drink lots of water, be close to bodies of water and spend time in nature. She also gave us exercises for using automatic writing to connect and invited us to give them permission to connect with us. Her perspective is that our soul is here (in the physical) to experience emotions. As we experience emotions and learn from them we all evolve, to be closer to our Creator. I will ponder that today.
