Brave
The Things We Say.
It's common for someone who has experienced a sudden or traumatic loss to be told they are so strong and I've been thinking about why those of us who are in mourning bristle at that remark. Clearly, it's meant as a reflection of love, yet it feels irritating.
What's the alternative to being strong when you have lost your beloved child/spouse/parent/pet? We are all doing the best we can with what we've been given. I think being told I'm strong makes it feel like being the opposite (weak, faltering, uncertain, devastated) is not okay. Or is it that what people see is the griever's capacity to go deep and honor their torn & tattered heart? I feel like a more affirming and accurate reflection is to say-- "You are so human... loss is a human experience and allowing yourself to taste all of it is what being on this earth is all about. I admire that."
I have been touched by the sharing by those of you that felt uneasy about doing so... I appreciate the awkward effort to reach out, to be authentic, to translate what you feel into words. Thank you for that. It takes courage to step through our fears to touch another's pain. It takes courage to sit with someone and allow them to hurt. It takes courage to be deeply in the relation ship that carries us across turbulent waters in search of a safe harbor.
MY FLAVOR OF BRAVE
Picking up a brush,
it’s familiar weight in my hand,
and daring to
translate your absence
with liquid color and line,
this
requires
me
to slip on an
undergarment of courage.
Stilling the busy
in my mind,
listening
to the deep silent stirrings,
the ones that must be
coaxed out of hiding,
and honoring
the call
to be with the
night mother,
this is the palette
of brave
that tones my skin
and burnishes my soul.
It is looking at a loss
right between the eyes
without blinking,
and holding that uncomfortable
gaze
until the space between us
dissolves
and we are one,
never again the same.
To be brave is to be a human
willingly to traverse the
birth canal
over
and
over
with each loss,
each time reborn
as someone
freshly awakened
to this precious moment.
